I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
