..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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