Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
