his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
