I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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