I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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