I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
