tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
