I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
