I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
