Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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