I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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