so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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