i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
