we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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