wakey wakey hands off snakey
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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