I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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