I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
