I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
