duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
