I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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