Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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