He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
