Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
