why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
