did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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