So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
