Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
