I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
