If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
