just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
