FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
