If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
