Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
