I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
