just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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