So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to cum in my sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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