When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
