She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
