You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
