I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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