just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
