What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
