i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
