Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
