I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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