I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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