Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
one might say we're banned from that church
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
