would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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