I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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