so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
