you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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